My current ‘episode’ has literally been all over the place. Its been almost a month. Few days with no sleep and mild elevation, then 5 days with sleep and balanced mood, and since then its been a dance. From mild to moderate to mild to an almost balance, only to go back to moderate again. During this time it included a lot of not sleeping well, and a day here a day there of good sleep. Lots of doing stuff.
To be honest, this manic phase whether it be hypomanic or more manic, has brought back my ability to write. And I am loving every minute of it. I am almost afraid for it to be over because I am afraid that it will take with it my ability to create interesting and deep articles. Which right now I am churning out more then 2 a day, whether I post it right away or whether I have it written on paper, I am doing fantastic with it. And it is helping immensely. I am terrified that when this episode departs…..so will my writing.
I have likened this phase to a dance.
I sat last night and began writing on paper and was trying to figure out what I meant by saying it was a dance.
Tap Dance: I know it is not a tap dance. Tap is a dance that uses feet movements to create a tapping sound. And although it is a wonderful thing to watch, especially in the river dance form, I know I am not doing a Tap dance.
Tango: It takes two to tango! In the tango the male dancer leads the female dancer. Although sometimes I do feel like I am two separate people, I am not being lead into a dance by a male dance partner.
Foxtrot: This dance is a mixture of slow and fast dance steps together. Okay, maybe we are getting somewhere with this episode I have been balanced, slow, fast, super fast etc. But still its not the beautiful movements of the foxtrot.
Hip Hop: This is a street style dance defined by street moves, lots of color and lets not forget attitude. Nope nothing here to see. No street dancing for me, no color. Perhaps some attitude, at least the past couple of days with the irritation I am feeling.
Waltz: Elegant flowing movements. Who am I kidding, I am far from elegant and flowing. Nothing pretty about this dance I am dancing. So definitely not a waltz.
Then it hits me….I know what kind of dance I am dancing.
The Hokey Pokey
You know the one. That children’s dance. It goes something like this:
You put your right hand in
You put your right hand out
You put your right hand in
And you shake it all about
You do the Hokey Pokey and you
Turn yourself around
Thats what its all about!
Replace right hand, with left, then right foot, then left, then head, body etc.
I have been doing the Hokey Pokey for a while now. Its like I stick my left foot into the mania, take my left foot out, put my left foot in and I shake it all about.
Like my mind and body are testing the waters of mania, then back out. Its actually kind of confusing this time around.
Although dance is such a beautiful and elegant form of art, this Hokey Pokey that I am doing is anything but. It is uncoordinated, and frustrating and definitely not pretty.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you experienced anything similar?