Forgetful Memories

My memory is really bad.  I mean, really really bad.  I forget simple things.  I forget more important things.  I forget stories that I want to tell. I forget plot lines in movies.  I read a good book, and 6 months later I know I have read it, but chances are I cannot give you any details.  I forget funny things that happen in our every day lives.  I forget birthdays and anniversaries.  I forget things that my children have done, things that I want to remember.

These are all things that I want to retain within myself, yet I am unable to do so.

I have often wondered about my lack of memory.  I get frustrated because I cannot recall the details of something my kids told me earlier, or that funny thing my son did yesterday. I want to replay a story in my head, only to have it stall out because the details are lost to me.

Why is it so hard for me to remember?

It occurs to me that I have spent the better part of my life trying to forget details of some particularly painful childhood experiences.  I spent time building an impenetrable wall.  I learned very early in life just what a secret was. I learned how to place things in a box, place the box on a shelf and try my hardest to forget it was there.

But why is it that I can remember things I do not wish to remember?  I remember painful experiences with a muddled clarity.

But the beautiful, inspiring moments, are lost.  Washed away like the dirt from yesterday.

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About bipolarwhisper

Mental health blogger. Bipolar, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety. Lover of butterflies. Risen out of the ashes like a phoenix. Survivor. Contact me at: Email: bipolarwhispers@gmail.com Twitter: @bipolarwhisper
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6 Responses to Forgetful Memories

  1. I really appreciate this post. I’m taking a creative nonfiction course and last night I was especially frustrated with being unable to pinpoint any memory to write about. I don’t know why my memory is so erased, but it makes me sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      Thank you. It frustrates me as well. I hate when I am trying to recall something that happened but I can’t. Especially if it was something cute one of the kids said that I really want to remember.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. bluestar8389 says:

    http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/remember-bad-times-better-than-good.htm I came across this article right now and hope it is helpful to you. I didn’t read all of it, but will. My hands are kind of tied right now so I have to step away from the computer for family time. 🙂 I wish you the best with your memory. Also there is this one website which is used to help exercise the brain. It’s called brainpractices.com and it helps strengthen the brain which helps improve memory over time. It’s free to sign up. I haven’t used it lately, but I will continue to use it because it really works. Wishing you the best.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and comment. I will check out the website as soon as I have a chance, I just saved it to my favorites to read. I will also check out brain practices. Enjoy your family time 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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