I know each of you who have read my blog have seen my half butterfly, half wasp picture that I use. I thought I would explain why I use it and what the picture means to me.
I had it purposely drawn for me by a fantastic artist from where I live, a highschool student with more talent than I will ever have with art. She is absolutely amazing. I had a specific idea that I wanted her to draw and she did it perfectly.
It is going to be my first tattoo. I am not 100% sure when I will be able to get it, but I have wanted it for a very, very, long time. Financially right now, I have to wait.
I choose the design with a wasp and a butterfly to signify me. It is how I feel much of the time, like I am two. It symbolizes my Bipolar Disorder. One extreme of my mood to the other.
The saying “Just when the caterpillar thought the word was over, it became a butterfly” has some meaning to me because it told me that even though things were so bad and even though I thought I was never going to get through something, I would, and I did. Kinda like the phoenix rising out of the ashes (another tattoo I would love). We all go through things in life. Sometimes they are painful and we feel like we will never survive or get through them. This part of my tattoo deals with the fact that I have survived, I have flourished and I have spread my wings.
I choose the blue morpho butterfly because of its characteristics. When the wings of a blue morpho butterfly are open they are a bright blue, colorful and full of life. Much like my mania. I feel like I can take on the world, I can accomplish things that I normally cannot.
But the blue morpho’s underwings (when they are closed) are brownish with spots that resemble eyes to ward of predators, they hide and blend in.
I have spent a huge part of my life hiding behind things. Trying to camouflage myself into backgrounds, trying to sink out of existence and blend myself in so well that no one sees me.
The Wasp side of my tattoo will signify the stark difference in my depressive side in comparison to my hypomania or mania. I spent a lot of time stuck in a sea of depression.
Either way, in either mood, weather it be balance, depression, or mania – I have wings, and those wings help me to fly.
And we all know…..