Random Thoughts

I keep getting a very strong urge to write.  But when I begin, I can’t.  So if this post does not make sense or is very different from my usual posts forgive me, I am just going to write whatever I feel and it may be a bit random and all over the place.

I feel like I have just jumped off the edge of a cliff and am free falling into some unknown cavern.  Anxiety is gripping my heart while my mind is bracing for the impact of hitting bottom, but bottom never comes.  I am still free falling, anxiety building higher and higher because I see no end.  No landing place.

I feel like my skin is crawling.

I have thoughts that are mixed up, confused.  Words and letters are jumbled up in my mind.  Like someone took a bag of scrabble letters, shook them and dumped them into a big pile and expected to make sense of them.

Do I feel manic?  No.  I don’t.  I feel mixed.  I feel confused.  I feel a lot of anxiety, more then I have had in a long long time.  I feel frustration.  I feel weight.  I feel stuck.

I feel pressure.

I feel like my  brain is fuzzy.

I am tired, but I am not tired.  I am exhausted, but yet I cannot sleep.  I do not even want to sleep.

I feel tingly.

I feel a weight pressing down on my chest.  A crushing weight.

11 thoughts on “Random Thoughts

  1. It’s good that you are writing and still posting though. I tend to write quite lengthy posts, so that’s what sometimes stalls me. I over-think. 🙂 Most of the time I think of the title first and that usually helps me focus on the theme of what I am going to be writing. I have also tried to write using a word count in addition to picking a theme, topic, or headline. By focusing on those two things, it sort of clears up the fog. You can also try taking a walk or taking a break from the computer so you’re not staring at a blank page.

    I’ve been in fogs like this as well, where things feel jumbled up and I sucked into some sort of mixed feeling that I can’t seem to describe with words. Often times, it takes a fresh perspective, for someone else to point out to me the things currently taking place in my life. Pointing out my full plate that I am juggling in addition to all the goals I am trying to obtain. Sometimes when others tell you that it’s okay and they actually help you see your life in a new way, you realize that there’s nothing wrong with you that sometimes what you are dealing with and feeling is actually quite normal.

    The fog usually clears with time once you allow yourself to clear your mind, exercise, and also talk to friends. Whatever works, I know diversifying my coping skills and trying it all tends to help me out of fogs. I don’t just try one thing, I try a variety of stuff. Good music, self-help books, podcasts and listening to positive messages…whatever it takes. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the fantastic comment and suggestions. The plate full idea is exactly how I have been feeling. Realistically I know that even though right now things are really difficult I know that they till will calm down and get settled. But it is just difficult right now, in the moment. Most of the things right now on my blog was written in a sort of manic/hypomanic stupor. Some are lengthy, others are short because I had difficulty with reading and re-reading them or other things. I just tend to write what I am feeling in the moment. And right now that is a lot of confusion, which is showing in my writing or lack thereof.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, I think you likely have a full plate and need to be gentle and loving towards yourself. I am extremely hard on myself. I expect so much out of myself, sometimes I need to cut myself a little break and remind myself that I am doing everything that I humanely can do with the resources, time, energy, and knowledge that I have. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Might I suggest a fine Pinot? I wish I could understand how you feel; put myself in your shoes. I know I can’t, but am hooked on your writing. As mixed up as you feel, your words flow rather well. They have a nice …. um …. ring to them.


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