Do I hate him?

You know, I don’t know if I hate him anymore.  I mean, I don’t like to hear anything about him, hearing his name makes my skin crawl and causes the anxiety to grip my heart and squeeze.  I would never want to see him ever again.  I know what kind of response that would cause within myself.

But hate him?

I don’t think I do.

Yes, I do hate what he did to me.  I hate how I feel, I hate what it has caused in my life, I hate the struggles, I hate what I had to go through, I hate what I am still going through.

I hate the flash backs, I hate the memories.

But hate him?

No, I do not think I actually hate him.

Sometimes I think that it takes too much energy to hate someone.

So what do I feel?

Flat.

I.  Feel.  Flat.

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About bipolarwhisper

Mental health blogger. Bipolar, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety. Lover of butterflies. Risen out of the ashes like a phoenix. Survivor. Contact me at: Email: bipolarwhispers@gmail.com Twitter: @bipolarwhisper
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6 Responses to Do I hate him?

  1. Writingofpassage says:

    Sometimes forgiveness has nothing to do with them, but about you. You may never forgive but for your own well being maybe you should try. It took a LONG TIME for me to be able to forgive but I got to a point very much where you are at now- hating him was taking up space in my head and heart that he didn’t deserve.
    A very open post. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      I have for the most part forgiven him. I mean not to his face. I know there has to be some background history there. And I just have let it all go. I don’t hate, and to be completely honest, I don’t even judge him anymore. I don’t want to see him, but as for the rest….I have let it go. For him…..and for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. hbhatnagar says:

    “The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s apathy.” I don’t know what happened to make you feel this way, but if you are apathetic towards someone who hurt you so much, you are in a far better place than he would ever be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      Thank you so much. I am honestly not sure myself why. But I am thinking a lot of years, some therapy, and some deep searching within myself.

      Liked by 1 person

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