Look

I wrote this on May 16th, 2000, I left it as I wrote it back then.Β  Enjoy.

“Look”

Look into my eyes
Tell me what you see
Behind that mask and smile
Theres pain inside of me.

Look a little deeper
Down into my soul
Theres fear there that follows me
Wherever I go.

Look over my frustration
And try to understand
My trust disappeared
When he got the upper hand.

Now as you continue to look deeper
Deep down inside of me
I want you to be careful
Of the things that you may see.

Look past the part of me that says
I don’t really care
Because if you look hard enough
You’ll find theres pain in there.

I want you to remember
That even though things are bad
Theres good inside of me
And everythings not bad.

For when you look deep enough
You’ll find a little girl
Who still lives inside of me
In her own little world.

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About bipolarwhisper

Mental health blogger. Bipolar, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety. Lover of butterflies. Risen out of the ashes like a phoenix. Survivor. Contact me at: Email: bipolarwhispers@gmail.com Twitter: @bipolarwhisper
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19 Responses to Look

  1. dianetharp70 says:

    That is a great summary of your feelings. Well written, hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      I was 18 years old at the time.

      Liked by 1 person

      • dianetharp70 says:

        Wow! That’s even more remarkable, not many people can express/write that well, let alone a very young adult! _(no wonder you write so well now) πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarwhisper says:

        Oh my gosh thank you so very much, that means the world to me. I honestly never realized I wrote well until my psychiatrist and Psychologist kept remarking on it. Way back then. And that was because I used to go to appointments and not be able to talk, so what we did instead was I wrote every day, and when I went to appointments I read it to them. That was the only stipulation was that I read it. It was easier for me that way because it was like I was watching someone else read so I could emotionally disconnect some.

        Liked by 1 person

      • dianetharp70 says:

        Well, you do great work! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. hbhatnagar says:

    That little child inside us… lovely. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. JennieG says:

    Beautifully written. I agree, we all have that inner child within us :).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bipolarbrainiac says:

    I’m new at this but I was just published in local NAMI about my 9 antidepressants that pooped that have pooped out over the 25 years. Prozac worked with Tegretol . Prozac worked for ten years but ever since then, I’ve been lucky to get three good years out of an antidepressant. The last one only was good for seven months. So discouraged, I gave in to alcohol, which delivered instant relief, but only bad can come of this …and my amount was going up and up. Over the week I drank, I had a great time and don’t have an AA shame over it but upon returning I was treated like a leper as they always treat relapsers. And being mentally ill, double the stigma! But I’m frustrated with med failure and I also came down with Tardive Dyskinesia after a course of Geodon, similar to Abilify. I wasn’t able to take Cogentin so I wandered the doctors, neuro and psychs until I googled a researcher in Gainesville who uses Clozaril for Tardive dyskinesia. thanks for the contribution.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      Sounds like such a roller coaster ride. It must be so frustrating after having 10 good years and then having so much trouble with every other medication since. Have you been able to find something recently that is at least helping some? Sorry to hear about how you were treated in AA. Hugs.

      Like

      • Bipolarbrainiac says:

        Well, I stopped drinking again (I had had 7 years and don’t see myself as a true alcoholic until this recent go round…It’s progressed) so I was really looking forward to that glass of wine that turned into four. All that time, the Femtiza, the new antidepressant, was working a little bit at building up in my system, and yesterday and today can finally say that on a scale of 1-10, I’m waking up at a 5, 6, which is still scary, still have fear thundering through my heart on awakening, feel in the morning as if I had gotten a dui and had to deal with it. Or that something bad had happened and I awakened to remember it. It feels like free falling. So I have not had a drink in seven days, and It’s been tough. The AA stigma, where it’s like, if you relapse and return to tell it, some people really give you a hard time. I had fun, the antidepressants had a chance to work and for the week I felt like killing myself, I had an out. I don’t recommend it to anyone. But I had something to look forward to for that first week. This is the first time I have ever given in to depression in this way. I also have chronic pain, and the alcohol was really helping with that, as I reduced my dose in half. Overall, I have to say that Alcohol is not a good solution, nor a permanent one, as it gets worse and you need more and more alcohol, but for a pinch hitter for a suicidal AGAIN person who just got really frustrated and thought “Well, a glass of wine won’t kill me tonight, but left to my own devices, I might swallow a bottle of pills…” the pain was getting to great to bear. And my husband does not understand the depression. I am compliant to a capital C, and alcohol has no place in Compliance. I know that. I also know now, as I grew to drinking a bottle of wine a night,that I was going nowhere fast and growing physically ill and dehydrated. I’m looking to create a blog for chronic pain where I can be in private, but my current wordpress account is tied to an email with my last name attached. And sis is a snoop and a gossip,. Loves to bring fresh dirt to the Dad to upset him and appear like she’s got the inside scoop. Total borderline. We have that in our genetic line too. This sister pronounces that bipolar disorder is not genetic and it’s all about not putting medications in our body. She thinks I should stop taking my mood stabilizer. If I listened to her all day I’d go nuts.

        Liked by 1 person

      • bipolarwhisper says:

        Glad that you recognize these things. As for setting up a new acct, maybe make a new gmail with generic name or whatever and then create a new one. That was what I did when I created Bipolar Whispers. Here I can write what I want, when I want. And it is totally freeing. I too have chronic pain. I live with a condition known as syringomyelia, basically cyst type things in my spinal cord. I have one from T3-T5 and one from T7-T8. Right now I am doing really well with it, but it has flared badly in the past.
        I wish you all the luck in your journey. Hugs.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Look | REBEL WITH A CAUSE

  6. Bipolarbrainiac says:

    http://goo.gl/IYYYva
    bipolar: our cycles unite us: bring on the sound. It would be great if you joined this private group

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Bipolarbrainiac says:

    are you on FB? I have a private FB Bipolar group I’d like to ask you to join. Not to participate if you are busy but to support in the way of being a number. I’m trying to make it a secret group. The easiest way to find is “bipolar our cycles unite us: bring on the sound
    I have a google shortened link you can try http://goo.gl/IYYva
    it hasn’t always worked. Links are the bane of my existence!!! I am sort of computer lame so I have a guy come twice a week to help me set up the growing social media situation so that when the book comes out, I have friends who might read it, buy it, talk about it, it’s going to be fiction based on fact, youngish, almost like Princess Diaries running from her disease as fast as she can. She’s an alternative rock disc jockey in a biz dominated by men. She fights to play the Cure when they want to play yet another Pearl Jam song.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      I will check it out, I have been toying with creating a Bipolar Whispers fb account to share things with besides just twitter. Once I do that I will have a look.

      Like

  8. hi there. sort of transitioning away from Tumblr. They make it hard to post longer content, and also, as of today are limiting how many hashtags you use. Cwazy. Do you get Stigma Fighters posts? There was a really good one from a woman named Sherry Joiner today.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      I have contributed to them before so I will have a look and read through the new stuff. We have had a lot of things going on in our family these past 3 weeks and I have not spent as much time reading posts as I would have liked to have, got to get back on the ball and catch up πŸ™‚ Thanks for sharing.

      Like

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