Depression is out to get me.

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I feel the gentle tug just under the surface.  I know that it will soon become more of a consistent pull.  At first it is always gentle, slowly pulling me under.  But then it quickly gets more frantic and will tug and tug until I am under the surface looking up. Your grasp will become tighter, and you refuse to let me swim back to the surface.

The claws of your grasp digging in to form a strong hold on me.  I don’t know if I can fight against you.  I know I have tried in the past to fight, only to be pulled under anyway.

I know the darkness will come.  I know it will surround me like some black mist swirling around me and then swallowing me whole. And I know with the darkness comes a whole gift package that I do not want to open.

But I always pull off the shiny black ribbon and tear off the sparkly black paper to find thoughts of self doubt, low self esteem, anxiety, and so much self hate.

They all become jumbled inside my head at the same time, screaming demeaning words at me.  Telling me just how worthless I am.

I feel as if depression is out to get me.

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About bipolarwhisper

Mental health blogger. Bipolar, PTSD, OCD, Anxiety. Lover of butterflies. Risen out of the ashes like a phoenix. Survivor. Contact me at: Email: bipolarwhispers@gmail.com Twitter: @bipolarwhisper
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11 Responses to Depression is out to get me.

  1. Writingofpassage says:

    It’s out to get us all at one point or another! Don’t let it win!! If you need to talk you know where to find me. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. blahpolar says:

    It’s a bugger when it’s bipolar depression… No rhyme or reason to it at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. blessed800 says:

    Hang in there, you are not alone. =)

    Liked by 1 person

  4. hbhatnagar says:

    It’s almost you are asking it, “Tell me how worthless I am.” Don’t feel alone even if your mind tells you so.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      I feel a bit better tonight, I slept a lot today though, which is good I guess because I haven’t slept well in a very very long time.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad you got some sleep. Sometimes depression robs us of that. Sleep is the only release I know of. Alcohol just makes me more depressed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bipolarwhisper says:

      I have been sleeping a bit more then usual for me, part of it is being sick, part of it is the increase in my newest med and I wonder if part is the depression that I do feel under the surface.

      Like

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