I feel the gentle tug just under the surface. I know that it will soon become more of a consistent pull. At first it is always gentle, slowly pulling me under. But then it quickly gets more frantic and will tug and tug until I am under the surface looking up. Your grasp will become tighter, and you refuse to let me swim back to the surface.
The claws of your grasp digging in to form a strong hold on me. I don’t know if I can fight against you. I know I have tried in the past to fight, only to be pulled under anyway.
I know the darkness will come. I know it will surround me like some black mist swirling around me and then swallowing me whole. And I know with the darkness comes a whole gift package that I do not want to open.
But I always pull off the shiny black ribbon and tear off the sparkly black paper to find thoughts of self doubt, low self esteem, anxiety, and so much self hate.
They all become jumbled inside my head at the same time, screaming demeaning words at me. Telling me just how worthless I am.
I feel as if depression is out to get me.