Drowning

I feel like I am swimming in a dirty fish bowl.  I am looking out through thick unclean, cloudy water. Everything is muddled, foggy.

I feel dazed, I feel confused, I feel sedated, and I am drowning.

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28 thoughts on “Drowning

    1. Thank you, I felt pretty bad when I wrote it but things have picked up some since, hopefully I do not completely go there.

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  1. BW, you are not alone. I realize that you are feeling what you’re feeling and therefore are being real about it by sharing so thank you for allowing us in…that’s what we’re here for, to listen to each other and hold each other up. I know you will get better and I’ll need encouragement from you one of these days so hang in. Love!

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    1. Thank you so very much for the kind words. I write from somewhere deep inside, everything I write comes from this place. So I very often write what I am feeling.

      I know I am not alone and I am so very thankful for the friends I have made here. Everyone is amazing.

      I am feeling somewhat better, I am at a weird place, I seem to be feeling down in the mornings and early afternoons, but in the late afternoon, evening and night I feel a lot better. Its a very fine line right now.

      We finally had some sun here today so I spent a little time out side and that did help to lift some of the darkness.

      xo

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      1. I hear you: I can relate to those feelings (morning one way and later on another) in that order too…It’s rough! I am happy to know that the sunshine visited your outside today- it did mine too…glad you felt it and it helped. Remember to celebrate the baby steps! Love!

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      2. Thank you. I don’t normally feel this big of a swing in mood in such a short amount of time, at least not every day. My mania usually stays weeks and my depression the same, so having such an alteration each day is kinda tiring or frustrating or something.

        You know it is such a double edged sword, I hate for someone to feel the same way or deal with these things but at the same time when someone understands it kinda feels good or something.

        Glad that you got some sunshine where you are as well.

        xo

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    1. I agree. And thank you. Its been a weird few days, mornings and afternoons I feel depressed, but late afternoon and evening and night I feel different, not depressed, not manic, not really stable either, somewhere in between.

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    1. Thank you. I hate the feeling as well. Its been weird, I have been feeling like this for part of the day and feeling weird the other part, not depressed, not manic, not stable but somewhere in between.

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    1. Thank you, I am feeling somewhat better today, not so much of a down phase, so maybe I will not go into the depression after all. *crosses fingers*

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      1. Glad you are feeling better. I am to increase my mood stabilizer to see if we can halt the depression, but I don’t feel confident because been here before and it just shoved me deeper into depression.

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      2. I know that feeling. I hope that it works. Maybe a slow increase in anti depressant with the mood stabilizer up as well to make sure you do not go into mania?

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      3. Right now my Cymbalta is up to 90 mgs. I don’t think we are changing that. 60 mgs is for the Fibro and the 30 mgs was added to make it an antidepressant as well. I have been on it for a year or so. I have been hypo-manic since they tried the Latuda. Tonight I double my mood stabilizer from 2 mg to 4 mg. We are looking for a new one that won’t throw me into depression and suicidal thoughts.

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      4. What mood stabilizer are you taking. I have taken a lot of different things over the past few years since my diagnosis, I am pretty stable with my current medications for the most part, we have had to adjust a bit but nothing serious.

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    1. Thank you, I am feeling better today, spent a lot of time outside and it felt great, even got a short walk in. How are you? btw thank you for the award.

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      1. My mood stabilizer is called Trilofon and is an old medicine. I seem to respond better to the older ones. This one causes the deep depression though. I took the full pill tonight, see how I feel tomorrow.

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