Tonight has been a bad night. I let something get in between myself and a friendship. I let anger and deep seated depression tug me further and further into something that I really did not want to be a part of tonight. In doing so, in becoming a part of this, I hurt someone who means a lot to me. I was trying to protect two different friends, in two different ways, and I ended up hurting one, while trying to protect the other. And this was wrong.
This was not my intention. I honestly did not mean to hurt anyone. In my jaded mind I thought I was doing what was right for both friends.
But I caused some hurt, some sorrow and a lot of pain.
Words were exchanged. Hurtful words. A lot of which came out of my mouth, or rather typed by my fingers.
In the end, we both apologized. Mostly it was me who needed to apologize, but we both did. We apologized for hurtful words. For secrets. For damaged feelings. For broken promises.
We learned some lessons.
I learned some lessons.
I had a hard time, because I do not lie, it has been over three years since I have told a lie (for good and valid reasons) so I was trying to protect someone by keeping a secret and trying not to lie, while hurting someone else and to be honest I was in agony doing so.
But I learned lessons. I learned there are different kinds of friendships. I have friendships with both of these people, and they are different. One is a funny, laughing, joking friendship, where you can joke around about anything and just have a laugh. While the other is a more deep rooted friendship, a caring, and understanding friendship where you can share things that you might not share with anyone else, because this person understands, deep down. Understands raw, honest emotions.
So I learned that I felt rather crappy in the situation I was put in. I learned that both friendships were different, in a lot of different ways. I learned that I needed to let it out to not only help the one I was hurting but to feel better with the storm that was raging inside my head because I was feeling terrible for the situation at hand. I learned that even though things don’t always happen the way you think, and that even though hurtful things got exchanged that my friendship is stronger then even we thought it was.