The past day or so I have found myself exhausted but not tired, not sleepy…..just exhaustion clouding my mind.
At the same time I have found that I do not have much patience. I want to do about 10 things at the same time. Sit. Write. Watch a show. Clean. Do dishes. Read etc. And because of this I have little patience with myself.
And at that very same time I want to do nothing.
And I still feel Flat.
There was a time when I loved the flat feeling because that meant I did not have to feel anything. No hurt, no pain, nothing. I relished it.
In the flat, I just was. I did not have to “be” anything more.
I no longer love the flat. In fact I do not even ‘like’ it anymore.
I hate being here.