Exhausted, but not…..still flat.

The past day or so I have found myself exhausted but not tired, not sleepy…..just exhaustion clouding my mind.

At the same time I have found that I do not have much patience.  I want to do about 10 things at the same time.  Sit. Write. Watch a show. Clean. Do dishes. Read etc. And because of this I have little patience with myself.

And at that very same time I want to do nothing.

And I still feel Flat.

There was a time when I loved the flat feeling because that meant I did not have to feel anything.  No hurt, no pain, nothing.  I relished it.

In the flat, I just was.  I did not have to “be” anything more.

I no longer love the flat.  In fact I do not even ‘like’ it anymore.

I hate being here.