Self Care-Comment below.

What are you doing to take care of yourself? Comment below, I will be doing a blog post with some self care ideas and I will mention you (and link your blog if you want) if I choose your comment.

Have a great day!!

Clearly, Unclear

I feel like I’m drowning
and I am unable to swim strong enough
or fast enough to break through the surface

Or perhaps I’m falling
headed towards the earth at the speed of light
and my wings are much to bent to fly

I’m suffocating in a tornado of emotions
of spinning objects and chaos all around
and even with all the air surrounding me, I cannot breathe

My mind and emotions are out of control
confusion, disorientation, unclarity
I no longer know where I begin or where I end

After all these years

Sometimes I wake up in the dark to the silent screams that my soul emits. And for a split second, that feels like an eternity, I have a sense of spine tingling fear.

Sometimes I wake up in the dark to my heart beating out of my chest. And I remember things that I have spent a lifetime trying to forget.

Sometimes I wake up in the dark with a million thoughts trespassing through my once calm slumber.

And I cringe inside because I know these thoughts, these feelings, this fear, and those memories…..are you.

Even after all these years.

Like skittles to rainbows

I am connected to the darkness in the way that skittles are connected to rainbows, by color, not flavor.

I love the blackness, the charcoals, the purples and blues. I embrace the mist and the shadows.

I find the flamboyance of color to be chaos. but I have a calming penchant for all things dark.

I remember a time when the flavor of darkness was tainted with the particles and memories of real life monsters.

But today, as I’ve grown in the cusp of the shadows, I have learned to love the things of make believe stories and Hollywood movies. The draculas, the ghosts, the goblins and Frankenstien’s monster.

And my monster? It’s not so scary anymore.

Thoughts

My posts have been few and far between.  As with a lot of things that happen during manic episodes, Bipolar Whispers was started and thrived for a short while and due to a bunch of other reasons became something that got placed on the back burner of my life.

Not for lack of wanting it to become more.  Because I would love to have it go back to the thriving place that it once was.

I have debated taking posts down and starting over with republishing and working out the blog a bit better and trying to be more “here”.

After two years with no computer I am finally able to write in peace again.

Thoughts?

Sleep

Well the sleep that has eluded me all this time with this current mania came last night.  With all the meds, mood stabilizers and sleeping meds, and more mood stabilizers and more sleeping meds and Seroquel added to the mix (all prescribed and taken as prescribed) I slept between 12-13 hours.  Seriously that long.

I feel sluggish this afternoon, since I did just get up long enough to eat lunch.  I still feel the need to move quite a bit, like shake my legs etc.  I still cannot talk properly, stuttering and mmmmm ing a lot.  But I slept, so it has to be a step in the right direction….Right??

The mania has been calmer for a few days, not good, but calmer.