Intense

Today is my birthday.

Normally birthdays pass me by and I couldn’t care less.

Normally It is just another day, one little blip in the 365 day year that just happens to be the day I was born some 30 odd years ago.Normally it means nothing to me, other than being one year older.

Normally I feel nothing towards this day.

Well for some reason today is far from the normal nothing birthdays that I am used to. Today I awoke with a sense of severe anxiety that is only getting worst as the day is progressing.  An intense fear, dread……despair would even be a good word to describe how I am feeling.

I am blinded by how bad this is.

I have been having some issues with anxiety and paranoia over the past little bit, but nothing compares to how bad I am feeling today.

I do not think there is a reason or catalyst for why I feel this badly.  Just maybe every little thing pulling at me at the same time that my emotional self is not able to handle it.  And the tension is causing me to break.

Broken. Crumpled. Trampled.