Its the little things in life that make me truly happy. Little gestures that make me smile and know just how lucky I am. Little things in my every day life that just swell my heart. Here are a few pictures over the past week or so that just made me smile.
*Note: The note was next to my computer from my 17 year old daughter*
Are you finding yourself not enjoying things that normally bring you joy? Is your sadness deeper than usual?
Here are a few of my personal signs that the depression side of Bipolar Disorder has arrived for me.
Hopelessness: I feel like everything around me is hopeless, everything I do is hopeless, my future is hopeless.
Dread/Disinterest: I have this deep down dread of doing anything outside my home. I have no interest in doing things with my friends, no interest in going to gatherings, and no interest in doing things that I normally take part in.
Irritability: I am irritated. Different irritation than manic irritation. Everything is bothering me and playing on my last nerve and I usually hold it all in until I end up exploding over something and letting it all bubble to the surface.
Sleep: Normally I am sleeping more than normal, but there have been times when I have had the opposite effect and have slept less than normal. More often than not its the sleeping more.
Inadequate: I always feel like I am not enough. Not enough of a wife. Not enough of a mother. That I am not doing a good job at anything. I feel insignificant. Like a speck of dust.
Anxiety: Worry and anxiety over things I normally wouldn’t worry about.
I haven’t been feeling myself for a while. There has been this nagging voice that something is just not right. And no matter how quiet it is or how much I try to completely silence the voice. I can still hear it and it is working itself into a louder and louder sound that is getting harder to ignore.
I am not quite sure what it is exactly that I am feeling. I tend to lean towards the fact that it is probably some sort of depression. But I feel like it is much more than that.
No signs of mania or even hypomania. I just feel emotional, sensitive, down, and I feel taken for granted. I feel hopeless, and tired, emotionally tired, my soul is tired. And I wonder so much if there is even any room for me. There is not enough space for me to peacefully occupy. (I am NOT suicidal)
I am sleeping, might be some weird hours, but there is sleep. I am having some anxiety and some sense of dread.
I feel like there is something coming towards me at full force but I just cannot figure out what it is, or care enough to step out of its way, that I am insignificant enough and don’t matter enough to even step to the side so the collision doesn’t happen.
I know that all these signs point to something. They tell me that something is wrong. This is not my ‘normal’ thought process.
Just a quick update. Bipolar Whispers blog is fully back up and running. As you can see I have changed the theme/layout, all blog posts have the updated signature, some have been edited and some have been deleted.
I have had this plant for about 10 years now. I have no idea what type of plant it is. It has always just grown with the green leaves and grew long like a type of climbing or vine plant. It has never flowered before.
A few days ago one of those little white flowers came out. Today there are three on the same end of the vine.
I have no idea why it flowered, but it gives me hope that anyone can bloom or grow if it is just cared for in the right ways.
Writing has always helped to untangle the web of chaos inside my head. I write and form thoughts on paper when I feel like I am unable to form coherent thoughts inside my head. Somehow as my pen works its way across the paper my writing takes shape and makes much more sense than any of my thoughts ever could.
I have often said or written about how I write faster or type faster than my conscious mind can think, I sometimes re-read things and wonder when I wrote it, or where the thoughts came from.
When I write or read things I can feel the words. I feel the depth of my thoughts after I write them unto paper. Only after I read what I have churned from my mind and written into sentences do I begin to understand my tangled thoughts.
For me writing is my biggest form of self care. It is what I do when I am down in the dumps or soaring in the heights of mania and anywhere in between.
Self care is not just for people with mental health issues but is very important for everyone. Practicing some form of self care can ensure that you are not running on empty and can help your wellbeing and happiness.
There are different types of self care and there are many different things that you can practice in each category. Self care should be geared individually.
For example: If you love to read, reading would be a good form of physical self care, but if you hate to read it would not make sense for you to try to use reading as one of your self care activities.
Almost anything that you find enjoyment in can become something that you do for self care. Just taking a few minutes to read a book, write something, listen to music, exercise or even taking a bubble bath can be forms of self care. Other things can be taking a minute to laugh, share a joke, talk to a friend on the phone, have a cup of coffee or tea.
I asked my readers and fellow bloggers what they did for self care and here are their answers:
Angela says “I light my favorite incense, desert sage, while I journal about things that are weighing heavy on my heart. I journal until those things lose their power over me. Sometimes I watch my favorite movie, Wonder Woman, to remind myself that I am a powerful woman who has taken my power back.”
Robert says “I’m setting good boundaries with other people and getting enough sleep.”
Becky says “I am writing to confront things that used to hurt me. It’s a mixed bag, but in the end it does help.”
Julian says “I’m reaching out to people. I figured it’s been a while since depression has got me in a very lonely lifestyle. But, chances are, I’m not an introvert by nature. I tried finding purposeful things to do by myself, but nothing came to my mind. Maybe it’s not the things, but the people I do those things with. The engagement. Admitting that I’m not a monk, that I need a social life is actually tough. But I guess that’s the way to go. So, I’m reaching out.”
What do you do for self care? Do you find that taking an active part in self care is beneficial to your wellbeing and over all health?