I have been having computer issues for a long time and we are just not in a position at the moment to be able to purchase a new laptop for me to be able to do my writing and blog up keep.
I just wanted to take a moment to let everyone know why I have went poof and haven’t been around, yet again.
I apologize.
In the meantime I am interested in hosting a couple of guest blogger posts. If you are interested feel free to email me at bipolarwhispers@gmail.com. The content of the blog post would have to be mental health related and appropriate. It would have to be approved for posting. I will link back to your blog and you can include a brief bio.
Also be sure to leave me a comment letting me know how you all are.
I am connected to the darkness in the way that skittles are connected to rainbows, by color, not flavor.
I love the blackness, the charcoals, the purples and blues. I embrace the mist and the shadows.
I find the flamboyance of color to be chaos. but I have a calming penchant for all things dark.
I remember a time when the flavor of darkness was tainted with the particles and memories of real life monsters.
But today, as I’ve grown in the cusp of the shadows, I have learned to love the things of make believe stories and Hollywood movies. The draculas, the ghosts, the goblins and Frankenstien’s monster.
Over the next few days you may see some of my posts disappear and reappear. I am doing some editing, and changing my name siggy. Nothing to worry about. 🙂
My posts have been few and far between. As with a lot of things that happen during manic episodes, Bipolar Whispers was started and thrived for a short while and due to a bunch of other reasons became something that got placed on the back burner of my life.
Not for lack of wanting it to become more. Because I would love to have it go back to the thriving place that it once was.
I have debated taking posts down and starting over with republishing and working out the blog a bit better and trying to be more “here”.
After two years with no computer I am finally able to write in peace again.
Well the sleep that has eluded me all this time with this current mania came last night. With all the meds, mood stabilizers and sleeping meds, and more mood stabilizers and more sleeping meds and Seroquel added to the mix (all prescribed and taken as prescribed) I slept between 12-13 hours. Seriously that long.
I feel sluggish this afternoon, since I did just get up long enough to eat lunch. I still feel the need to move quite a bit, like shake my legs etc. I still cannot talk properly, stuttering and mmmmm ing a lot. But I slept, so it has to be a step in the right direction….Right??
The mania has been calmer for a few days, not good, but calmer.
When your Bipolar diagnosis gets moved from BP2 to BP1, does that mean its upgraded to 5 star accommodations or downgraded to 1 star accommodations?
And more so I wonder how long my doctor knew this tidbit of information….
Thursday over night and Friday were bad. I was talking fast, then pressured, then stuttering and not able to get words or anything out. I ended up in the Er, then transferred to a Mental health hospital. Where to be honest I met the best Psychiatrists I have ever seen.
Tegertol increased to 200mgs, with being told to go to 300mgs if the mania did not begin to calm in a day or two (which I increased last night after the night before barely sleeping any). Trazodone 50mgs added for sleep.
First night all that along with the Zopiclone 7.5 managed to get me about 8 hours of sleep. Second night, nothing touched me again. Slept maybe 2 hours of broken sleep and woke yesterday with the major speech issues again, and feeling like I could not sit still and all the other lovely classic bipolar stuff.
Last night I managed to get about 2 hours of broken sleep in the night and about 2 hours of broken sleep sometime between 9 and 12:30. Still having some speech issues but I would say its cleared up about 80%, seems the more I talk the worst it gets.
Seeing my own doctor tomorrow sometime to get meds situated and probably something better for sleep. (Just a tidbit of info, all this happened 4 hours away from home for me and we came home on Saturday which is why I never saw my regular doctor before but Er and Mental Health Hospital.)
Had to give in at 7:30 this morning and take another dose of Zopiclone. After sleeping maybe 30 minutes the whole night. I managed to get a total of 2-3 hours after taking it but that was broken and I kept waking. Like I was slightly sedated feeling but wasn’t able to fully take avail of the medication.
Still shaky and fidgety today, still lots of thoughts, no changes.
I am sure I will write something later, for now just a quick update.
I don’t know what it is but there is something about music and mania. Almost every time I am manic I like to listen to music and write.
Its like the music keeps me focused enough to be able to write something that makes more sense that the jumble that is inside my mind.
Sometimes I feel like the music is seeping into my soul.
I sit and I write and the constant movement of my hands flying across the keyboard and my leg shaking is somehow satisfying. Fulfilling.
Its like, I cannot even explain the feelings that I am feeling at the moment. It is truly bliss. I love the feeling of my fingertips flying over the keys. I love the sound of he soft clicking just under the sound of he music in my ears.
After waiting from 3:30 am to 9:30 am and still not seeing a doctor at the hospital that was closest to me, a friend picked me up and took me to a mental health hospital. I was in to triage, seen the nurse for all my history, seen a doctor and got prescriptions in less than an hour.
So much much better than the waiting dance I was doing at the first hospital. Waiting in a crowded emergency room for hours was not my idea of fun when I was feeling like I was going to crawl out of my skin and was having an extremely hard time staying in my seat. I literally shook my legs the entire time I was there because I was hoping the movement was going to be enough to let me not go completely out of my mind.
Anyway, Zopliclone 7.5mgs for sleep and Tegertol 150mgs for the mood stabilizer. Took it at 1, got a hot hot hot bath, lay down and managed 2 hours of sleep. But thats it, now I am wide awake again and can’t take it anymore until tomorrow night.
Zopliclone never really worked well for me before, would put me to sleep *sometimes* and more often that not wear off in 30-40 minutes. So I do not have much hope for it, but I didn’t want anything stronger at the moment.
So my sleep this week has went something like this:
Friday night: 5 broken
Saturday Night: 4-5 broken
Sunday night: 3 broken
Monday night: 1 1/2 broken
Tuesday night: Nothing
Wednesday day (after taking the meds): Little less than 2 hours
And for weeks before that I have been having broken sleep, weird sleeping hours. In retrospect, its always sleep.
Bipolar Whispers 